To The Hiding and Hurting on Mother’s Day

National Foster Care Month. ALS Awareness Month. International Bereaved Mother's Day. Mother's Day. It's May. All of these calendar happenings have me remembering, which doesn't take much, because May is a month of memories anyways. And under the weight of this quarantine, the remembering of that season and the reality of this current one have … Continue reading To The Hiding and Hurting on Mother’s Day

In the Middle: He Will Not Leave Me Here.

And just like that, winter clasped its ugly hand over my mouth and stifled the words that would be. "It's been a long time since you posted anything," Facebook notification reminds me. I know. I know it has, but there's two types of too hard- too hard that I have to write and too hard … Continue reading In the Middle: He Will Not Leave Me Here.

The Roller Coaster Ride of Life

I watched the roller coaster climb and couldn't even bring myself to believe he was on it. Fighting my own nausea despite not even being on the ride, praying ceaselessly, and resisting panic, I mainly planted myself in denial. This could not be happening. How could I let myself believe that my petite-not-even-40-pounds-just-turned-7-year-old was slowing … Continue reading The Roller Coaster Ride of Life

Mount Moriah and the Climb of Foster Care

I remember once, my brother asked, does it make it harder or easier? This baby, this little one, placed in our care. After the losses, the babies taken, the pain and grief; the now holding and swinging and swaddling... Does it make it harder or easier? Yes, I said. It makes it harder, and it … Continue reading Mount Moriah and the Climb of Foster Care

The sacred dance: To the Rejoicing and Weeping on Mother’s Day

I remember, not even very long ago, when I didn't understand why Mother's Day had to be flavored with sad. When church services and Facebook feeds paused for grief and remembered loss and honored the hurting, I resisted. I didn't understand. Why did this sadness have to invade my happy day? But then suffering would … Continue reading The sacred dance: To the Rejoicing and Weeping on Mother’s Day